rosiegoldd asked: Your past is your past bel. You can't change that but you need to try and accept what happened. You might not be happy with what it looks like but you can't change it. Accept what happened and live in the moment. You've got billy- without all that happening you might not have found him. You've got a beautiful fam and friends- without your past you might not have found them. Look at how much you've gained from those experiences. Don't look back anymore. Look for now. I love you princess, be happy
Love doesn’t mean happiness
People often go out of their ways to talk about how happy being in-love makes you, like dating someone solves every issue? Every feeling? All your self doubt and disbelief? I’m in-love with the most perfect boy and there is no doubt about it, he leaves me breathless and I’m at peace with myself when I’m in his arms. And when he is around I’m numb to the things I think about when I’m alone, they are all hidden for the night with soft kisses, and footies under the blanket at 11pm and him whispering ‘I love you’ as he pulls my hair behind my ear and in that moment you almost forget that voices in your head that leave you feeling empty, that make you question yourself, your relationships, your happiness, every single aspect of your world. People don’t understand that although there is one human that can give you happiness and loves you so much, you can still are sad? You beat yourself up and worry that one day he might crack because he’s had enough of you not being able to accept his love, you tell yourself you’re happy and at times you are and those times are when you are underneath his chest and his lips are pressed to your neck, I’m happy in that space, my mind is lost in his eyes and smile. But when he’s not here, when I lay in bed at 11pm with no one to touch, no heart beating against my chest, every thought comes back to you this overwhelming wave of sadness you can’t control and in that moment I fear that if he was never to come back I simply wouldn’t be able to live because you, you my darling are the reason I breathe and smile and you are also the reason my heart aches. I know I’m not ‘ok’ my mind is a mess, and maybe one day soon, you will help me fix my broken chest and my blurred mind and make me see the parts of life that I’m to scared to see. Although I’m in love and happy I’m still sad, it’s an emotion I can’t explain but if you know this feeling this will hit your soul, you will understand that even though you are deeply and madly in-love, you can be depressed and lost, but hope is the only thing keeping you moving. I can’t promise you things will get better, but if you just believe maybe that’s enough. Because he has believed in you enough to love you so maybe it’s time we believe in our selves.
- Written by Bel Telley, for the love of my life Billy Hartung, I owe you the world xx